These last couple of days I've felt myself being beaten up with sadness and grief. We are now at the time of year where our baby would have been born.
When I say beaten up, its because there are times I feel overwhelmed with despair and as I come through the other side of a particular episode it feel just like I've done 10 rounds with Mike Tyson.
I didn't think it was going to be this hard. I thought the majority of my distress had passed and I was now at the stage where there was only sadness and regret for what could have been.
I guess I was wrong.
Yesterday I found myself in absolute distress at work. I won't go into details but the unthinking actions of a colleague caused me deep anguish. It wasn't intentional. She didn't know, no one knows but it took a lot for me to return to my office where I could cry in private. After quite a bit of time where I just felt grief crashing in over me, I had the need to find some peace. I remembered the Light A Candle site, hosted by my employer. So I stopped, lit my candle and will let it burn for 7 days. Its here if you would like to view it along with the prayer I chose to go with it. Perhaps you will pray the prayer with me and I hope this new wave of grief will pass soon.
Thanks for listening.
Thursday, February 4, 2010
Sunday, November 15, 2009
Where I am up to...
I'm starting to feel that 2009 was not meant to be my year.
It started out ok. My excess bulk was coming off, my fitness levels were coming up. Then June/July happened when discovered we had conceived then lost a much desired baby and I battled grief and depression. August wasn't much better when I came down with the worst case of the flu I can ever remember having.
My latest misadventure put me in hospital for 5 nights with gallstones. A condition I didn't know I had until I was woken at 1.30am on Sunday morning with the most excruciating pain I have ever experienced along with a number of other nasty side effects from blocked bile ducts. So right now I am recovering at home from a Laparoscopic Cholecystectomy (basically keyhole surgery to remove my gallbladder). I'm still not sure about this, there seems to be differing opinions on what the long term consequences of this are. So far my body seems to be adapting ok.
I'm hopefully that health wise this is the last 'fly in the ointment' moment. Will be nice to get back on track.
It started out ok. My excess bulk was coming off, my fitness levels were coming up. Then June/July happened when discovered we had conceived then lost a much desired baby and I battled grief and depression. August wasn't much better when I came down with the worst case of the flu I can ever remember having.
My latest misadventure put me in hospital for 5 nights with gallstones. A condition I didn't know I had until I was woken at 1.30am on Sunday morning with the most excruciating pain I have ever experienced along with a number of other nasty side effects from blocked bile ducts. So right now I am recovering at home from a Laparoscopic Cholecystectomy (basically keyhole surgery to remove my gallbladder). I'm still not sure about this, there seems to be differing opinions on what the long term consequences of this are. So far my body seems to be adapting ok.
I'm hopefully that health wise this is the last 'fly in the ointment' moment. Will be nice to get back on track.
Sunday, July 19, 2009
Update
Despite everything that has gone on in my life over the past few weeks I've only put on less than a kg despite pretty much abandoning our diet.
I'm keeping that other blog (http://ankarli.wordpress.com/) running. Its purpose is different to this one but I am hoping it will help me come to terms with some of the tragedy we've had in our lives recently and to decide what's best for me. I remember writing a diary when I lost our first baby several years ago. I only deleted it in recent months. I really wish I had that again to remember.
Thank you to everyone who took the time to comment. It really helped. IYKIM.
I'm keeping that other blog (http://ankarli.wordpress.com/) running. Its purpose is different to this one but I am hoping it will help me come to terms with some of the tragedy we've had in our lives recently and to decide what's best for me. I remember writing a diary when I lost our first baby several years ago. I only deleted it in recent months. I really wish I had that again to remember.
Thank you to everyone who took the time to comment. It really helped. IYKIM.
Thursday, July 2, 2009
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
Oh dear ...
Its been a while since I updated. Things are progressing nicely and I'm staring down another milestone.... 40kg in another 1.5kg. Its a pretty amazing number and I confess to enjoy watching peoples jaw drop when I tell them just how much I've lost (when they ask of course).
Another recipe share... herbed fish. This is great for frozen fish, so buy one of those 1kg bags of fish and defrost as needed.
Ingredients
1 tbl olive oil
1 tbl lemon juice
1 clove garlic
1 shallot (chopped)
1 tbl chopped dill as well as tbl of chopped thyme **
Mix ingredients together and smear over fish fillets.
Cook fish in frying pan until cooked.
Yum!!
** You know what its like when you chop fresh herbs. If you don't end up with a tablespoon it doesn't really matter. You could also substitute other herbs such as chives or coriander. Basically you're looking for something pungent.
Another recipe share... herbed fish. This is great for frozen fish, so buy one of those 1kg bags of fish and defrost as needed.
Ingredients
1 tbl olive oil
1 tbl lemon juice
1 clove garlic
1 shallot (chopped)
1 tbl chopped dill as well as tbl of chopped thyme **
Mix ingredients together and smear over fish fillets.
Cook fish in frying pan until cooked.
Yum!!
** You know what its like when you chop fresh herbs. If you don't end up with a tablespoon it doesn't really matter. You could also substitute other herbs such as chives or coriander. Basically you're looking for something pungent.
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
Inspired by ... (a goal)
Donna Downey. I'm not really into her style of scrapbooking and I admit sometimes her over the top style annoys me but I dropped into her blog this morning for a catch up and indirectly she reminded me of a goal I set myself last year.
The Gold Coast Marathon is on Sunday 5th of July. I am in no way ready for the Marathon, but they have a 7.5km walk I'd like to attempt. I can walk 5.5km in about 60min, I'd like to improve on that before July.
The Gold Coast Marathon is on Sunday 5th of July. I am in no way ready for the Marathon, but they have a 7.5km walk I'd like to attempt. I can walk 5.5km in about 60min, I'd like to improve on that before July.
Sunday, January 4, 2009
Welcome to 2009
At the beginning of 2008 I sort of promised myself that I would lose some weight but didn't do anything about it until things were forced on to me in July. Since then I've now dropped over 30kg and have hit and passed my half-way point. I'm still enjoying what I am doing and am definitely happy with the results so far. I've developed Baggy Pants Syndrome again so its time to replace my shorts and pants.
I'm pleased to report that I have survived a weeks holiday away (although the scales did go up more than I liked), Christmas and New Year (although for the latter two the scales are back in the right direction and I've lost the weight I gained while I was away.
My next goal is to be under the 100kg mark by the time I go back to school. It should be fairly easy since that's not for another 3 weeks (and is only just over 2kg away) but I'm finding all sorts of temptations to prevent me from going to the gym as often as I should. Its amazing how you get into a routine when you are working and how easy it is to stick to. Holidays are relaxing and essential recharge zones but trying to keep a routine can be impossible when there are books to read, forums to keep up with, pages to scrap, gardens to weed etc. I think I need to make a sign for above my scrapdesk to remind me of that 100kg goal.
We've taken up a new activity - Geocaching. Basically its a treasure hunt using a GPS, although the treasure is the type you find at a $2 shop so its the find that the fun part not the 'prize' at the end. The really good thing is that it takes us outside and some caches (where the treasure is located) involves all sorts of physical activity. Go to Geocaching.com or Geocaching.com.au for more info if you're interested.
I'll return shortly with another recipe. I've just made a really yummy fruit slice.
I'm pleased to report that I have survived a weeks holiday away (although the scales did go up more than I liked), Christmas and New Year (although for the latter two the scales are back in the right direction and I've lost the weight I gained while I was away.
My next goal is to be under the 100kg mark by the time I go back to school. It should be fairly easy since that's not for another 3 weeks (and is only just over 2kg away) but I'm finding all sorts of temptations to prevent me from going to the gym as often as I should. Its amazing how you get into a routine when you are working and how easy it is to stick to. Holidays are relaxing and essential recharge zones but trying to keep a routine can be impossible when there are books to read, forums to keep up with, pages to scrap, gardens to weed etc. I think I need to make a sign for above my scrapdesk to remind me of that 100kg goal.
We've taken up a new activity - Geocaching. Basically its a treasure hunt using a GPS, although the treasure is the type you find at a $2 shop so its the find that the fun part not the 'prize' at the end. The really good thing is that it takes us outside and some caches (where the treasure is located) involves all sorts of physical activity. Go to Geocaching.com or Geocaching.com.au for more info if you're interested.
I'll return shortly with another recipe. I've just made a really yummy fruit slice.
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